Peace

It is a beautiful dream and wonderful desire: to have a family that is supportive. Imagine a family that genuinely likes each other, defends each other, and says good things about one another, at home and in the community. They spend fall Saturday nights hanging out, going bowling, summer Sunday afternoons in the water, and can just sit at home playing cards, being bored and doing laundry with the best of them. You might think this is the description of family life for everyone…but you’d be wrong.
What I just described above is actually fairly rare. Sure, the “perfect” family has its share of challenges and extraordinary life hardships. They get angry with each other, jealous of each other, have misunderstandings and arguments…but the difference between a healthy and unhealthy family is the way those challenges play out, and how situations are resolved.
Someone wishing for a peaceful home life once described to me, being at home with their family, “Dana, it is like home sweet hell”. Others describe it like “a war zone”. Nearly everyone with a challenging family relational dynamic yearns for peace. “I just want peace”.

A House Divided Against Itself Cannot Stand

It is altogether too common and unfortunate: a family atmosphere of discord. At best, it is quiet, icy silence. Exchanges of conversation are peppered with complaining, who-done-its, denial and blame-shifting. Problems are solved with criticism, fault-finding, and arguing. This is a household where problems are solved by figuring out who is responsible for the “problem” and shaming them until the “problem” is resolved, often resulting in a crescendo of yelling and escalated conflict behaviors until one person has perceived they “have won”.
However, no one wins like that.
Take note of the New Family Values List. Consider the arguments that are happening at home. Is someone making mistakes? Is someone being blamed as a “bad person” because of the mistakes? Is someone doing the best they can? Is someone demanding perfection? I invite you to bring your thoughts to the counseling room.

Dana